While Ashley may be 10,000 km away in the UK, in some ways, I feel like I’m walking the streets around her second home myself. Since she left for UK, I’ve found myself checking Google maps, street view, ‘walking’ around the shops, eateries and grocery stores near her accommodation. I do have Life 360 app installed so I can ‘see’ when she walks back late by herself. This app is not to track her movement or because I don’t trust her. It’s more for safety and peace of mind.
Am I going crazy? It does bring me comfort when I zoom into the nearest grocery stores like Sainsbury’s, Tesco Extra or Lidl, or check the nearest pharmacy and figure out where she and her friends can buy their essentials or grab some food.
I even look up reviews like “Is that cafe safe? Is that supermarket open late enough? Do they have Asian groceries in case she misses home-cooked meals”? The questions never really stop.
Sometimes I catch myself tracing the route she’d take to campus to see how long it takes to walk, whether there are traffic crossings, what the footpath looks like. I check the weather forecast almost daily – Is it raining today? Will she remember her umbrella? It’s getting colder did she wear her jacket or her Heatech?
The recent trip to visit her was really good and I get to see the places that she has been. There is something human about recognizing the places from the app and then standing there in person – the shops she passes, the streets she walks, the station she uses and etc. It actually turns worry into something concrete and understandable. Instead of imagining the unknown places thousands of kilometers away, I now have a mental map of her life there.
I know, it sounds like a lot. But the truth is, a mother’s worry never really ends. It just evolves. We hold their hands as they cross the street when they were little. When they’re older and living in another time zone, we hold them in our thoughts, and hope that they are warm, safe, fed, and not walking home too late after dark.
These small rituals like looking at Life 360, reading store reviews and checking the weather in a city faraway somewhat help to bridge the distance. They give me a sense of connection, a glimpse into the daily world she now navigates on her own. As parents, we have to cut the apron strings and I know she’s learning to be independent. She’s figuring things out, one step at a time. I know she’ll be just fine. But I’m still her mother. I’ll always worry, just with more tabs open now.
